Nehaveigur

People worry a lot about food. Is it authentic? Is it healthy? Is it local? Is it organic? Is it sustainable? Is it The Best? You can see them at the grocery store, checking the labels. I do it myself.

The most basic information on a food label is the calorie count. The average person needs 2,000 calories per day. An apple has 100 calories. You’d have to eat 20 apples a day to get enough calories. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Just imagine how good 20 apples a day would be for you. Disclaimer: The “an apple a day” claim has not been reviewed nor approved by the FDA.

Five Guys’ Bacon Cheeseburger and Large Fries have 2,300 calories. One a day is too much. Most people want to avoid calories. They want to be skinny. I want to be skinny too. I don’t go to Five Guys a lot.

There is one exception where I don’t want to avoid calories. Where I want to maximize calories. Where it’s not just about how I can get the most calories, but the most calories per ounce. It’s when I go on these multi-day backpacking trips, in the mountains of the High Sierras for example.

When I go backpacking, I need to carry all the food I’m going to eat. Last summer, I was out there for a week, and I needed to carry seven breakfasts, lunches and dinners, plus snack. If I only wanted to eat healthy and only eat apples, which I don’t, I’d have to carry seven times 20 apples which is 140 apples. That’s too much. My backpack isn’t big enough.

The solution is to carry food that’s dense in calories. Chocolate is a great example. On the trail, chocolate is my staple, and I’m not even ashamed. Frito Lays are great too. Maybe you’re wondering, what about all that sodium? Isn’t that bad for you? When you’re walking around the mountains all day, you sweat, and you need to replace all that salt. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

Normally, I only have cold food for breakfast and lunch and snacks, but I like to have something warm in the evening. Ramen noodles are a great option, and I like instant potatoes too. A lot of people buy those freeze-dried meals where you just have to add hot water. I sometimes use those too, but they’re expensive. Knorr pasta meals and instant rice are a lot cheaper.

The all-time winner in terms of calorie density is instant drinking chocolate, consisting mainly of powdered milk, sugar and some chocolate flavor.

In summary: My trail diet is bad.

Another food-related thing you need to worry about in the Sierras is bears. People worry a lot about bears in the backcountry, but they worry about the wrong things. They worry that a bear may bite their leg off, which is especially bad if you like hiking. What they should actually worry about is about the bear getting their food!

Bears like Frito Lay just as much I do, but most of them don’t know it yet. That’s because they’ve never tasted Frito Lay. Instead, all they eat is berries and insects and maybe some fish. But once they taste Frito Lay and other human food, they develop a taste for it and they can’t be kept away. That’s the reason why it’s important to keep your food in a bear-proof container. Some places like Yosemite National Park even require backpackers to use bear canisters.

I keep my food in an approved container when I’m out there, and I know it’s not rational to worry about a bear attacking me. Yet, there is always some background anxiety in the wilderness. The bears are coming for your food!

A few years ago, I was camping next to a river, in a beautiful spot. I was by myself. I put up my tarp and cooked my meal of two extra-large packs of ramen noodles. Then I had some instant drinking chocolate, and by that time it was dark. I went to my tarp and into my sleeping bag. As soon as I had closed my eyes, I heard something. It was really close, right next to my head. Someone was moving and breathing heavily.

I’m proud to say, I didn’t panic. Instead, I grabbed my flashlight, pointed it at the spot I thought the breathing was coming from, and switched it on. And there it was: A frog, staring right at me.

What did I learn from this? I shouldn’t be worried about the bears. If anything is going to kill me, it’ll be my trail food.