I’ve been thinking about parenting recently. Having had three kids within three years has something to do with it. Specifically, I’ve been wondering about how my parents brought me up. There are many things they’ve done for me, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that what I’m most grateful for is what they haven’t done for me.
Until I was nine we lived in the Austrian countryside. It took around five minutes to ride a bike to the next neighbor. Also within ten minutes were an old factory with a junkyard, a river, the local shooting range and a quarry. Those are all things that would worry any parent, and I’m sure my parents were worried too.
One time my cousin thought that it’d be fun to jump out of the window on the second floor. Even back then we realized that could go wrong, so we threw a mattress out first to soften the landing and then jumped after it. That worked.
One time we were climbing around in the quarry when a rock I was holding on to became loose and I was tumbling down with it on top of me. I only had a few scratches.
I had more luck than common sense. I had a million opportunities to get hurt, and sometimes I came pretty close, but nothing serious ever happened.
The easy thing for my parents would’ve been to say, you’re not going to do anything that isn’t safe. But they didn’t. Instead, they allowed me to go out there and to learn myself what is dangerous and what isn’t, and for that I’m grateful. I had a wonderful time.
My cousin, who is about my age, has a different parenting philosophy. When her daughter started walking, my cousin let her explore their yard, but only under supervision. Also, and this surprised me, she made her wear a helmet, so she doesn’t hit her head when she falls. They also padded the ground in their yard so that it’s softer. Even so, a few months ago, their daughter broke her arm while playing outside. She’s fine now.
This made me wonder. Maybe, by protecting their daughter too much, she didn’t have a chance to learn when to be careful? Of course, I don’t know. Of course, how my cousin raises her daughter is her own business. And of course, there is a healthy balance between being over-protective and negligent. But I’ convinced that sometimes, you’ve just got to let the kids figure things out for themselves.
Nehaveigur 