Nehaveigur

Americans don’t have opinions, they have bumper stickers

Rich Hall

Last summer, I finally found my favorite bumper sticker on an incredibly dilapidated truck I was stuck behind in heavy traffic. We were moving so slowly I was able to take a photo.

The sticker says Tengo novia – I have a girlfriend. I imagine the motivation was that with a sweet ride like this, he has to fight off the girls unless he lets them know he’s already spoken for.

Here are some other bumper stickers I’ve found amusing:

• Jesus loves you – but I’m his favorite
• Tell your cat I said pspspsps
• Bro dude dude bro

Another self-defeating bumper sticker I encountered in my company’s parking lot said “Elon musk sucks.” The car whose bumper it was on was a Tesla, which I found ironic enough to take a picture. Immediately, someone started shouting at the other end of the parking lot. I looked up and saw a man jogging towards me. Clearly, he was the car owner and I prepared for a confrontation, assuming that he was upset about me taking a photo of his vehicle. I was right to assume he owned the car but I was wrong to assume he was angry. On the contrary, he was very proud of his sticker and his idea to put it on his Tesla. For the next five minutes, he elaborated on the many ways in which Elon Musk sucked. At some point I was able to mention that I needed to leave because I had to pick up my kids from school. As a parting gift, he offered a handful of the Elon Musk stickers, which I politely declined, explaining that I prefer to not put stickers on my own car even though I sometimes appreciate them on others.

While I thought the Elon Musk sticker was funny, this is a rare exception. Your political bumper stickers are most likely boring, especially if I agree with them. If I disagree with them, they’re just wrong.

Related: I still have a few free stickers of my own mildly amusing design to give away.